Pressing the “Attending” icon on Facebook for the past year has started to be habitual. Very habitual that I do not really consider whether I would be able to attend or not as long as I support the event or feel an eagerness to attend it. Then I will attend it- hypothetically- even if it is taking place elsewhere in the world. This gives me a sense of satisfaction, the feeling that I am kind of participating in the event, hypothetically participating.
But never have I been so hesitant to decide on an event as that of the 15th March. I’ve been asked over and over again of what I think of the upcoming event that has been taking place so far, I would keep silent.
Every time I log into facebook, I find the event awaiting for me to decide whether I’m going to be “Attending” or “Not attending” or “Maybe attending”. I open the page, look at the number increasing every day, every hour, every minute, feel an urge to press the attending button and then I feel reluctant again.
For the past five years, I’ve been wanting nothing more than an end of this shameful division. My whole life, at least that which I still remember, I hated the fact that people should be infiltrated with any party. For all of my life, I have tried to be a Palestinian, no more- still failed at some points.
But, isn’t that my opportunity to be a Palestinian? Isn’t it the proper time that I would go out, chant, and raise my voice amongst other voices and hearts as longing as I am to end the current status of fragmentation which is rendering a whole nation in face of a vicious occupying power, fragmented? Haven’t we had enough of political agendas that have achieved us nothing? Aren’t we disappointed, enraged, and fed up enough of all the disgusting facts which have been revealing themselves lately? Are we going to allow more concessions from an authority- two authorities in fact- that have never represented the whole Palestinian People, and will definitely not as long as they sustain their current policies?
But, the whole spontaneity of the event is freaking me out.
This could be an act of cowardice. Fear, maybe. A natural feeling, isn’t it? Should I be ashamed of it? I do not think so. Fear, as one of my friends put it, is what makes us human.
Still afraid but hopeful, today I should finally press that button. Another Palestinian added to the thousands attending the 15th March